The 80/20 Rule
I teach four tenants of giving great feedback, and this one is by far the most popular.
Your nervous system is your responsibility.
Most people do not have the sovereignty to self-soothe an activated nervous system under a vast range of life circumstances, and, our work as adults is to move in this direction.
How healthy people relate.
If we’ve only been seeped in dysfunction, we will instinctively normalize that behavior, not understanding that healthy people relate in a completely different way.
Let’s talk about emotional maturity privilege.
You may feel like the odd-(wo)man out when you take inventory of the dysfunction of your family of origin, but did you know how rare it actually is to be raised by emotionally mature adults? So rare it deserves to be a statistic.
How to have an emotionally intelligent conversation about racism.
We have a lot of examples of what not to do, just look anywhere on social media. In this article, I’ll discuss how to engage in an emotionally intelligent conversation that helps bring actual progress to systemic racism.
"Great" is not a feeling.
And just in case you’re wondering, neither is “fine,” “interesting,” or “good.”
What I learned from the year and a half I spent crying.
Most of us have learned in our lives that there must be something wrong with us if we are sad. But what if there is nothing wrong? What if it’s perfectly acceptable to be sad and cry, and what if resolving this profound emotion only required a few emotional intelligence tools that most of us are missing?
"You're emotionally weak."
When a Kurdish tour guide from Istanbul tells you you’re emotionally weak, there’s only one thing to do about it: allow your life to be totally transformed.
Learn to read people; not books.
I have a lot of clients and people in my network asking me to suggest books they can read to learn how to do this transformation-liberation-self-realization thing. Here’s a hint about what to do instead.
How to be happy.
Do you find yourself preoccupied with the pursuit of happiness, and continue to come up dry? Consider this tip to start feeling happier, immediately.
How we perpetuate oppression through self-suppression.
If we've made something about ourselves wrong, either knowingly or unknowingly, and shut it down, we definitely are going to find that same thing about others wrong and try to shut it down, too.
It's time to heal our addiction to punishment and suffering.
We must replace the belief that those who aren't perfect deserve to be punished immediately with something more constructive. We've got to stop blaming people for not being good enough.
When you're the one who is emotionally unavailable.
How do you know if you’re actually the one who is emotionally unavailable? And when you figure that out, what do you do about it?
Four ways to increase your emotional intelligence.
It's no secret that technology is becoming a more and more integral part of our daily lives at an astonishing rate. And with this rapidly growing relationship with technology, many of us have lost our ability to relate with one another.
Expressing your emotions is not the same thing as emotional processing.
Most people are not equipped to help you process your emotions, but what they are equipped to do is to receive your heart.
How to know if you have unhealed wounds, and what to do about it.
It’s easy to trick ourselves into believing we’ve healed simply because we’ve learned to masterfully control our external environment and have a good understanding of why we do what we do. But the proof is in the pudding: true healing has happened when you no longer get activated by old patterns.
Building your intuition will make you smarter.
“Smart people listen to those feelings. And the smartest people among us - the ones who make great intellectual leaps forward - cannot do this without harnessing the power of intuition.”
On sovereignty.
We tend to pair our existential experience and identities with that of the development of the first phase of intellectual sovereignty, but if you’re really seeking freedom, these other levels of sovereignty are important to experience, too.
Who would you need to become in order for life to feel easy?
Whether you’re willing to acknowledge this fact or not, we are emotionally driven beings. Taking action requires emotion. So don’t you think it’s about time you started paying attention to how you feel?
How to heal from being gaslit.
Whether we're aware of it or not, most of us have been gaslit. What is it, how does it impact you and your ability to trust others, and how do you heal from it?