Invest upfront to actually change your life.

Originally published on Rebelle Society.

A lot of people ask me about the changes they’ve seen in me over the past few years.

They notice something different, they notice that I’m happier, and that I am taking big leaps forward in my life. They want to know what I’ve been up to, and if this change was as easy as I make it sound.

I like #realtalk a lot, so I’m gonna lay some things out here.

Change is fucking hard. And it’s expensive. Both financially and emotionally. I have spent over $200,000 solely on my growth toward personal coaches and mentors, as well as deliberate immersive courses, airfare to those courses, lodging while there, and certifications to further my own education as a coach, in the past four years.

That’s six times more than I spent on my college degree.

I didn’t have the money when I said yes, literally every single time I said yes. I had no idea how I was going to pay for it. But I said yes anyway.

Do you think that’s crazy? Do you think that’s an irresponsible life choice?

I don’t.

Here’s what’s more expensive than that:

Every moment I might’ve continued spending knowing there was something I should be doing with my life but not knowing what it was.
Feeling lonely and unfulfilled.
Not understanding my blind spots and how they were impacting my ability to have true intimacy and connection with other people.
Feeling tortured by my triggers and only knowing to handle them by disconnecting with people whose love I really wanted.
Wasting my life never becoming the person I came here to be.
The anxiety and panic I was inexplicably experiencing every night.
Not getting to feel my mom’s love.
Sleepwalking through a career for the sake of work-life balance.
Compensatory desire.
Being totally governed by my preferences.

I was a highly functional, successful, and powerful woman who had her shit together before I started down this particular path. I didn’t think this path was for me and I thought I knew better.

I’ve studied philosophy, psychology, yogic principles, sociology, humanities, read thousands of books on personal growth and human potential, all of which have given me a strong capacity for complex thought, and on top of that, I have a strong work ethic, I’m smart, and I understand the concept of practice and always have.

I had an advantage because I have incredible life skills that I developed as a direct result of my primary family dysfunction, some of which I was already conscious of, so it was a really awesome and complex-as-hell double-edged sword. I couldn’t make the most of my gifts because I was too busy being resentful (in the most eloquent and charming way I knew how).

I needed help, and I hated admitting that, and I definitely didn’t want to pay for it.

This sort of growth is an investment. Period. And the alternative is often worse than the slight stretch you’ll feel trying to come up with a few extra thousand dollars. We spend money on some of the most ridiculous things, and we forget to invest in ourselves.

Investing in yourselves is the most important. If you don’t do that, nothing else matters. Sometimes that first investment hurts the worst. You aren’t sure how you’re going to pay your rent next month or feed yourself.

But something miraculous happens when you take that first step forward. You step into an unknown space, which is scary at first because, you know, it’s unknown, but then all sorts of amazing shit start to happen. You may find a way to make back every single penny you spent, and more.

You may wake up one morning amidst it all and get a full download of a business plan that will forever change your entire life while you’re in the shower. That’s literally where the idea for my business was birthed: the shower. It could be that easy.

But you need to work to get there. You need to be willing to let go of the same limited mindset that is keeping you stuck. You need to question your judgments and relinquish control. You need to let yourself feel the discomfort of confrontation. You need to be desperate for change.

And when that moment comes, change will find you, and just like me, you will not think twice about the investment.