Good lovers are not found; they are co-created.

  Image courtesy of John Rocha.

Image courtesy of John Rocha.

Ladies, listen up.

When you attach "good sex" to the man you're having it with, you invalidate your desire.

When you say "it's rare" to have sex this good, or to be touched this well, or to experience this particular flavor of orgasm/climax, you are not taking responsibility for your desire, and are instead treating it like a fluke.

Your desire is not a fluke. It's your desire. YOURS. As in, it belongs to you and exists inside of your body.

If you treat your desire like a fluke, and like it's something that exists outside of you, that's what you'll get. In the 3D world this shows up as one night stands that feel a lot like Russian Roulette, or hit or miss sex in long term relationships. You are effectively entering into the realm of sex at the mercy of it.

Good sex (I mean REALLY good sex) has nothing to do with skill. It has to do with clarity, willingness, communication, presence, and attention.

Men with skill are not rare. Skills can be found and collected from any number of men's magazines and pornography websites. Men who are clear enough to reflect your desire, on the other hand...

And, men will be much clearer reflectors of your desire in equal measure to how clear you get about letting it out. If you withhold your desire, or pin it on him, it's pretty tough for either of you to win.

Good lovers are not found; they are co-created.

(NB: inspiration for this post comes from many long conversations about relationship with Ken Blackman)