You cannot heal alone.

Photo by Brian Patrick Tagalog on Unsplash

We have this tendency to think that we've healed a thing simply because we understand WHY we do it.

Talk-therapy has been perpetuating this notion for decades.

And this is also why many people who go the talk-therapy route STAY in talk-therapy for years.

Because they are not actually healing. While they may have a cognitive understanding of why they do what they do, that have no idea how to STOP the compulsion of actually continuing with the dysfunctional behavioral pattern when immersed in the triggering experience.

This is because talk-therapy only addresses the declarative (conscious) memory.

To truly heal, you need to get to the source of the trigger, which is often deeply embedded in the procedural (unconscious) memory. That piece is stored in the body, and is like a knee-jerk reaction or compulsion when the rubber hits the road.

An intellectual understanding of the problem is worth absolutely nothing if you can't use it in times of high-stress or pressure.

True healing is when your BEHAVIOR changes, not just your attitude. Behavior is related to character, and character is defined by conditioning and trauma. The only way to adjust behavior is by re-triggering it and then tapping into post-traumatic growth.

And this work is impossible to do alone.