The taste of alchemy is far sweeter than the taste of relief.
When we are truly on the edge of the extraordinary, pioneering our paths, one foot in front of the other, it feels terrifying. Like, potentially disorienting horror and really loud inner dialogues that are telling you (maybe even yelling at you) all sorts of crazy shit about why this new edge, or this new thing you're pioneering, is an awful idea.
Make no mistake: you will physically feel better if you step away from the edge.
But that temporary relief only serves to prolong the suffering.
IT IS A TRICK.
I know it's backwards and makes no sense. But this is the subconscious mind we're talking about. That shit is insidious. It will do WHATEVER IT TAKES to keep you stuck.
Someone giving you bright ideas that will most certainly result in your success? CUE THE BRAIN FOG.
New lover trying to love you the exact way you've been yearning for? PANIC ATTACK.
Launching that big idea you haven't dared to tell anyone about? MIGHT BE DYING.
Know exactly what you need to do in order to make your big break? GET ON SOCIAL MEDIA AND FORGET ALL ABOUT IT.
I wish I could tell you I was exaggerating. I wish I could tell you the spiritual life is as sparkly and magic and pain-free as the internet makes it look. This is truly what it's like when you're living your own path and no one else's. Every single step is a new edge.
But. I want you to know. If you stick it out. If you lean in and turn up your ears and do your practices and BREATHE FOR CHRIST'S SAKE, you will get to the other side and holy shit.
Holy shit is that life realer and truer and joyfuller and like nothing you could possibly even have imagined before the moment you live it.
The truth is that this process is what transformation is. Death rebirth. Death rebirth. Death. Rebirth.
It gets easier, and way less dramatic than I make it sound (eventually).
But this process is what it means to be alive. The thing we all are yearning for is alchemy, not relief.